


cold as ice

by evidentlouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, Kinda, Liams a bit of a dick, M/M, SAD-ISH ENDING, SMUUUUUTTTT, THE SMUT IS TERRIBLE, THERES ACTUALLY SMUT, Unrequited Love, because thats what i like, bottom!Zayn, enjoy, im so sorry, its an nhl au, just skip it and pretend they had hot sex in the car, the other boys aren't mentioned much sorry, theres also a mean boy named smith, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evidentlouis/pseuds/evidentlouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're hockey players and Zayn loves Liam a whole bunch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cold as ice

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii so if you know me you know I literally write everything in the span of a day or two, well this monstrosity took over a month and it was utterly dreadful to stay on top of, but I'm somewhat proud of it, at least the first half.  
> That being said there finally is smut but it is my third time writing it and it is terrible, so I apologize in advance.
> 
> I DO NOT OWN OR KNOW LIAM PAYNE OR ZAYN MALIK PERSONALLY, I DO NOT CLAIM TO KNOW HOW THE NEW YORK ISLANDERS, PITTSBURGH PENGUINS, COLORADO AVALANCHES, DETROIT RED WINGS OR DALLAS STARS TREAT OR TRADE OR EVEN TALK TO THEIR TEAMS THIS IS ALL FICTIONAL SO.
> 
> HAVE FUN.

The puck drops and Liam flicks it back towards Zayn, he's wide open, makes it across the blue line through Brodsky and Houl, his heart pounding, it’s down to the final ten seconds of the last period and he knows he has to make this shot for them to win the championship, he tenses his shoulder muscles as he makes his breakaway. He can do it, he’s done it before with less time but that doesn’t take away from the blinding realization that the entire arena is silent, everyone holding their breath, granted most are praying he misses. Despite being a championship team they aren’t a well-liked one.

_TEN, NINE, EIGHT._

Zayn counts the seconds in his head, he sees the captain of The Bruins on his right and he’s sure there’s another on his left, Houl, a man-beast-captain-thing skids to a stop and makes his way straight for Zayn, Tank would be a better name for him, maybe it’s his first name, Zayn's brain wonders and he shakes himself, _head in the game Malik._ He can no longer see the net, but he knows he’s somewhere in front of it so he closes his eyes and flicks his wrist with as much strength and determination he can muster up after a long game and waits.

_FOUR, THREE, TWO._

The buzzer goes off and the crowd screams, Zayn’s somehow ended up on the ground with his own team – he thinks – on top of him, he peaks open his left eye and _sees_ , sees Houl break his stick and #27 skate up to the referee and yell at him. His eyes land on the net where the puck lay still tangled in the netting, _he did it._

–

“WE WOOOOOON!” Niall screams as soon as they're off the ice and in their dressing rooms, he definitely kept himself composed in the rink though, jumping on Zayn and kissing the cup, usual things.

“Zayn you fucker I didn’t think you’d do it, I have to say I thought we were done for when that beast of a captain came at you but you did it.” Alex, _left wing_ , yells and the whole insult quickly followed by a minor compliment thing doesn’t bother Zayn, its how Alex talks. And that’s how it goes, people congratulate him, they’re all vibrating with excitement, but none of it matters to Zayn, he wants to see Liam. Liam had in fact assisted Zayn's winning goal and is sort of the team captain, so Zayn wouldn’t be surprised if he’s being interviewed by TSN and EPSN or SportsCenter, they're all the same really and Zayn hates that after every game Liam has to talk to them for hours, he just wants to see his captain and thank him for the assist and maybe hug a little too long and maybe sit a little too closely as Liam recites how amazing he thinks Zayn is. _Shut up okay._

“Hey, celebratory dinner? Oh and shots! You better show up this time Malik.” Niall threatens and maybe Zayn tends to wait behind till Liam's done his interviews and they possibly go to dinner just themselves while the team celebrates win after win. Zayn's not being cocky, no not at all, it’s just a fact, they're a championship team, the most sought after coach and players in the NHL. Maybe because it’s the Stanley Cup it’s should be different, Zayn should go out and celebrate, but it’s not like it’s their first Stanley Cup either though, and Zayn just _really_ wants to see Liam.

“I'm gonna wait for Li, gotta talk over some plays and then we’ll catch up.” Zayn smiles brightly, he loves his team so much, every one of them are like family, everyone except for Brown and Smith, they're both new, Asher Brown from the Pittsburgh Penguins and Tyler Smith from Detroit Red Wings, both high profile players, their teams were good, really good, but it was clear their success was because of them, so coach Chapman did what he does best – waved a wad of cash in front of the latter’s coach – a new defensemen and a new alternating left wing. Which is great, really it is, because these boys, men, _whatever_ are talented, extremely so. But they're dicks.

“Sure hit us up after your make out sesh.” If someone’s kissing could be accurately judged by their attempts at mockingly making kissy faces and slobbery smacking noises Zayn and the entire team for that matter could all come to the unsurprising – maybe that’s why he’s such an ass – conclusion that Smith was a terrible kisser.

“Fuck off.” Zayn huffed peeling off his jersey.

–

 _“Change in pressure, I’m never gonna lie to you.”_ Zayn hummed along with the music coming through his headphones, he’s freshly showered – he needs to remind coach that the showerhead pressure is down again, you’d think a championship team could afford good showers. – And back in his skinny jeans and flannel and he felt like him. It’s just something the atmosphere does to him during a big game, he grits his teeth and closes himself off – along with his eyes apparently, he needs to work on that. But Zayn doesn’t like the feeling, its indescribable other than he just doesn’t feel like Zayn Malik, graduate from Columbia, has four sisters he doesn’t see often but talks to almost every night. When the jersey is on he's Malik #22, right wing for The Dallas Stars, emotionless, fixated solely on winning.

“I see you checked The 1975 out like I said, do you love them or do you love them?” Zayn’s thankful to hear Liam's soft voice, grateful for it being one of the only things that can pull Zayn out of his own mind. He turns and sees Liam's hair’s wet, and he’s only got his jeans on leaving a delicious amount over upper body for Zayn to drool over.

“I- Um yeah, they're great.” He smiles; he knows Liam can see him ogling over his arms, and chest, fuck and that patch of hair that leads under the waist band of his jeans—

“You're great.” Liam says and Zayn knows he's only half imagining how much fond was wrapped up in that, he's okay with it, especially because Liam's plopping himself down beside him and he smells like the women’s citrus Dove soap his assistant accidentally bought him last month, fuck Zayn actually wants to eat him.

“Could say the same to you, great assist out there captain.” Zayn smiles and he looks like a love sick idiot but its fine because Liam's here and Liam feels like home.

“No Zayn I’m serious, that goal was amazing, you were blinded completely by Hus or whatever and you closed your damn eyes but you managed to hit the top shelf perfectly. No one else would’ve been able to do that, we won because of you. You're amazing.” And wow okay Zayn seriously wants Liam to eat him but, no, eat him out yes please.

“Stop you're gonna make me blush Li,” Zayn giggles and hates himself for it. Liam smiles at him, his brown eyes so soft and welcoming, he lifts his arm and ruffles Zayn's hair and says something like ‘adorable little shit’ before getting up and much to Zayn's dismay pulling on his top.

“Are you going with the boys to celebrate?” Liam asks and Zayn’s sure he didn’t hear him right because when does he _ever?_

“No I thought you and I could go to the Keg or something, celebrate just us?”

“I’d love to Zayn, I know it’s like a tradition of ours but I have to take Sam out, we’ve got reservations.” And Zayn’s heart isn’t in its protective cage anymore, no, it’s shattered on the floor under Liam's size 10 leather fucking loafer.

“Who’s Sam?” Zayn asks and if Liam is having a fling with another guy that’s totally fine, it’s happened once before, they are worldly famous hockey players, so Zayn shouldn’t really expect Liam to _not_ have flings, and the _totally_ doesn’t.

“She’s my girlfriend, made it official last week at a press conference, where’ve you been Zaynie?” Liam laughs and she’s? _She’s?_ As in female? As in Liam's actually not gay and Zayn's made the entire thing up in his head because he's a love sick fucking idiot that should’ve known better?

“Oh.” He's trying really hard not to cry but his throat is clenching and his eyes are prickling with tears and he can taste blood he’s biting his cheek so hard.

“Yeah, but I’ll make it up to you, yeah?” Zayn nods not trusting his voice, Liam opens his mouth like he's going to tell Zayn he was kidding and of course they're going to dinner together or something and Zayn urges him to say it prays that he’ll say something that’ll make it hurt less even if he tells Zayn that he’s an idiot for think Liam would ever love him because Liam doesn’t like boys but he doesn’t do any of that he huffs out a laugh and fucking kisses Zayn's forehead before he picks up his bags and leaves Zayn in an empty dressing room, feeling naked and betrayed and knowing he has no right to.

Zayn needs a drink.

 

–

 

Its 5:30 in the morning back home and Zayn is still unbelievably jet lagged okay so it’s not entirely his fault he missed the net for the third time, it’s actually Liam's fault so Smith and coach should be giving him and the blonde bimbo with ruby red lips behind the benches shit not him. ‘ _She doesn’t like the box seats, too far away from the action._ ’ Liam told him during warm up and honestly he would’ve loved to not know that this is his competition. She’s an actress, Zayn had actually went with Liam of all people to see her last film and Zayn remembered raving on how great she was for her part and regrets it wholeheartedly.

Zayn's distracted to say the least, he looks up and somehow always locks his eyes on her – he blames the lipstick – or Liam who smiles at him, that dumb soft smile and Zayn can’t concentrate. He couldn’t have made up the entire thing, the touches and smiles and looks and dinners and he couldn’t have made it up could he?

The buzzer goes off and they lose for the first time in _months,_ and yeah, Zayn knows he’s let the team down and he apologizes after they shake hands with the opposing team. Zayn doesn’t apologize to Liam, he doesn’t actually say anything to Liam, and instead he kicks off his skates throws his jersey and shoulder pads over his head and storms outside. Zayn doesn’t stop to get his shoes, he doesn’t stop to get his smokes because that’s what he really needs, wants, needs and he especially doesn’t stop when Liam calls a “Hey you alright?” after him.

–

Once Zayn gets outside he feels like he can breathe again and that’s what he does, he closes his eyes and just breathes. That is until he hears someone else comes out, Zayn sighs inwardly he loves Harry, he honestly does but he doesn’t want to play Dr.Phil, hell Zayn's so rich he could fucking buy Dr.Phil for the day if that’s what he wanted, but he doesn’t want to talk about his ‘feelings’.

“I don’t wanna talk Har—“ the sound Zayn makes sounds something like _oogfh,_ and he can’t breathe again, but this time it’s because of the force behind the fist that’s just connected with his stomach. He opens his eyes and of fucking course it’s Smith.

“Good because I don’t either,” another punch hits Zayn's abdomen and he wretches falling to the ground where Smith gets a few good kicks in before spitting “Get your head in the game Malik, or next it’ll be that pretty fucking face of yours.” Then he actually does spit on Zayn and walks back into the arena.

Zayn isn’t a wimp, normally he’d get up and beat the shit out of Smith but he’s so tired and he’s in so much pain so he lays there and maybe he cries but no one’s there to see it and he’d deny it if someone were to ask.

 

—

“I don’t know what to tell you Z.” his sisters voice is full of static, but concern. “You can’t keep this up, you were fine before, is the situation not the same now? What’s changed?”

“He has a girlfriend Doni.”

“So?” Zayn takes in a deep breath and holds it in his lungs until it burns.

“So I made the entire thing up Doniya, he doesn’t like me, fuck he’s not even into dudes. Before I thought maybe we both felt it but were too stupid and nervous to say anything about it, but now, now I know he never did.” He feels his eyes beginning to burn again, Zayn's never cried over something that should be insignificant so much. Zayn could go out and get any guy or girl he wanted and here he was hung up on his straight, taken, team captain.

“That’s a load of shit Zayn. You can’t tell me you believe that for a second, he takes you out to dinners and he worships you from what I’ve heard.”

“But—“

“Maybe he's scared Z, maybe he’s come to the realization of how much he loves you and it scared him so he’s trying to make himself feel love for something other than you.” Zayn hated that she was so smart. “Just let him do what he needs to, he’ll come back to you Zayn.”

“I wish it were that easy” Zayn mumbles but adds “Thanks Doni, love you, give the girls kisses for me.” Before she can say anymore.

“Will do, get some rest Z, everything will be okay. Miss you.”

 

—

 

Boo’s erupt in the entire stadium and Zayn doesn’t even stay to shake hands and say ‘good game’ thirty-two times because it wasn’t a fucking good game, they lost again and Zayn was sure people would blame him because he let #31 across the blue line with the puck more times than he can count but he didn’t care, he just wanted to go home.

 

He peeled off his jersey and shoulder pads throwing them in his hockey bag along with his skates. He almost made it, almost got out of there before the rest of the team wobbled in on their skates.

“Zayn wait!” Harry called after him not even bothering to take his equipment off.

“Harry I just want to go home please, please just leave me alone.”

“No I won’t, what’s going on with you man?” Harry’s voice wasn’t angry like Smiths was, annoyed he had to run after Zayn maybe but it was mostly caring and it made Zayn feel even worse.

“Nothing just leave me alone please.” He huffed trying to make another break for it before someone else decided to interrogate him, not that he would notice, Liam walked in right behind Harry but Zayn hadn’t taken any notice, forgetting that now that they're losing so much he isn’t held back for interviews.

“Zayn neither one of us are leaving ‘till you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, you’re unfocused and fumbling, that’s not you you’re our star player. What _happened?_ ”

“Fuck Harry it’s because I fucking love him okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I love Liam so fucking much and he's with that blonde bimbo and there’s not a single thing I can do about it so yes I'm distracted, I'm fucking heartbroken Harry, can I go home now?” Zayn felt his heart thudding in his ears, his eyes stung with the familiar feeling of tears, he heard someone clearing their throat, realizing it couldn’t have been Harry seeing as he didn’t move the entire time, Zayn’s heart dropped – pardon my French – out his ass.

“Z I didn’t—“ Liam tried but Zayn pushed past him back into the dressing room furiously wiping his eyes.

“Coach I need to talk to you.”

 

—

 

Zayn took a deep breath before knocking on what should be an all too familiar door, when in reality Zayn's only seen it four times. His smile widens when he sees Safaa’s look of shock when she opens the door.

“Zayn!” she squeals before enveloping him in a bear hug, god he missed her.

“Hey Sa how’re you?” He says, Zayn doesn’t know when he stopped coming home to see them, maybe it was after his dad passed, hockey and being too busy to come home and face the reality of it all, being the easy way out. The way Zayn dived into.

“Z? What are you doing here?” Doniya said pulling her brother — who was now being ‘kolaed’ by the youngest of the three girls — into the large home. Zayn recognized the look of the inside, inhaled the smell deeply and just _missed_ so much.

“Is that my baby boy?” Patricia’s voice came from the same direction as that glorious smell — the kitchen.

“Hi mum.” He smiled leaning in and kissing her cheek, she held on a little too long and sniffled in his ear, he pretended not to hear it. Doniya and his mother exchanged knowing looks before eyeing him up, it was creepy how they did that. It’s not as if Doni didn’t already look strikingly like their mother but they acted and reacted in the same way.

“I don’t want to talk about it just yet, but I’ll be home more often now,” he sighed “I asked to be traded to the Avalanches, I'm in Colorado for good.” He smiled at the two women in front of him, his mother was crying — happy tears of course — and his sister looked as though her face might crack her smile was so wide.

—

 

It’s been eight months.

Eight long months since Zayn saw Liam last, eight months since he paid coach Chapman to trade him to the Colorado Avalanches and now, in Colorado itself he's about to face him. Zayn was nervous and anxious but he was so over Liam, like so totally over him, or at least he’s in a better place with his feelings. You can’t necessarily stop loving someone, Zayn hasn’t stopped loving him but now he knows being so infatuated that he let it almost destroy his career was, and is, a terrible idea and he can’t let it happen again.

Except when they’re in warm up he doesn’t see Liam, and when they list off the players of the night they don’t say Liam's name and maybe Zayn is severely disappointed but he doesn’t let it show, he plays his hardest and by the time half time rolls around they're ahead 3-1 and Harry’s motioning for him to come over.

“Where is he?” Zayn pants, out of breath and exhausted.

“Nice to see you too, I’m great thanks for asking.” Harry laughs

“C’mon H you know I didn’t mean it like that.” Zayn shoves him lightly “But really where is he?” his smile falters when he notices the pained look on Harrys face.

“He’s suspended Z.”

“What? Why?” Zayn feels himself panic; he hadn’t kept up with the team, assuming keeping his mind off Liam for as long as possible would be best for him.

“After you left he kind of lost it, he found out Smith was the one who beat you and he literally pulverized him Zayn. He got into a bunch of fights and he even came to practice drunk for fucks sake.” Zayn didn’t say anything, his mind was racing, plus what the fuck was he supposed to say to that? “He’s here, in the dressing room; couldn’t not come but couldn’t watch the game either.”

“Is she here too?” Zayn said accidentally, the bitterness behind it wasn’t an accident.

“He should tell you Z, but it’s not and never was what you thought. He just didn’t tell anyone.”

“Didn’t tell anyone wha—“ Zayn was cut off by the buzzer signaling half time was coming to an end. Harry skated away from him.

“Just don’t hate him too much; it’s not what you think.” He repeated raising his arms in a half attempted shrug.

 

—

 

“Zayn Malik captain of the Colorado Avalanches pulls off a yet another amazing win for the Avalanches propelling them into their longest winning streak since 1989.  How does hearing such amazing stats like that out loud feel Zayn?” The busty red head from ESPN smiles at him handing the mic over, Zayn notices there’s red marks on it from her too bright lipstick surrounding her too white teeth.

“Um, it’s amazing really. The team works so hard, Tommo got three amazing goals second half.” He smiles, its only half fake so, progress.

“How was it facing your old team? Any hard feelings?”

“No not at all, well not from most I wasn’t liked much by some of the players after we started losing but that’s expected, I was lost for a bit.”

“You’re definitely back now.” She laughs; it takes a lot of effort for Zayn not to cringe on camera. “What about Liam Payne?” it’s probably in Zayn's head but he could’ve sworn her smile turned from too bright and too genuine to what could only be described as _wicked._

He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. He realizes he looks like a fish out of water but what was he supposed to say? That wasn’t really a question; Zayn doesn’t really have an answer.

“What d’you mean.” He slurs a bit causing her to glare at him, bad for ratings.

“Well from an outsider looking in I guess it kind of looks coincidental, but from my point of view you ‘lost it’ right after he stared dating that actress, and once you left all hell broke loose with him, him and Samantha had that huge public fight, they split, he started fighting and you could say he ‘lost it’ as well.”

“And you think that’s my fault? What are you trying to do here?” Zayn spat, he felt his face burning.

“No need to get so touchy Zayn, it’s just a theory.” She smiled knowing he proved her theory true with his reaction.

“Well it’s a fucking stupid theory.” he handed her the microphone and stormed off into the team dressing room.

 

—

 

Zayn fights the urge to sing along to pressure, he doesn’t know why he still has that stupid song on his phone — probably because it’s not that stupid — it reminds him of Liam and he always skips it the minute it comes on but he can’t bring himself to hit delete.

“That was a great game Z.” and fucking shit Zayn almost screams like a thirteen year old girl.

“Liam?” he doesn’t mean to whisper or to stop breathing or for his throat and eyes to sting, he really doesn’t.

“Hi.” Liam whispers too and his smile is weak but happy, relieved almost.

“What are you doing back here?” Zayn gapes.

“I-um, I didn’t think this would be so hard.” Liam’s laugh is raspy and he wipes his eyes quickly, he's too far away to be completely, totally, one hundred percent sure, but Zayn rightfully assumes he's crying.

“That makes two of us.” He laughs too.

“How did you imagine it?” Liam walks forward, closer; Zayn can see the dark circles under his eyes. “Us meeting again I mean, how did you imagine it playing out?”

“I thought I’d be mad, curse you out, fight with you then leave feeling like I had the upper hand, like I had you and crushed you for once, not the other way around.” Liam's face saddens and he turns away, Zayn feels bad but it’s true, the only way he got himself back into the game and out of bed was convincing himself he hated Liam.

“How d’you feel now?” Liam asks like the response could crush him, Zayn knows this could be his moment to do so if he wanted to, he doesn’t.

“I feel like I want to kiss you.” He whispers again, afraid of how the words would sound out loud, Liam stares at him.

“Then do it.” He says loudly, demanding.

“What?”

“Do it, kiss me Zayn.” Liam takes a few steps forward, Zayn fights with himself, _he wants to, he can’t, he has to, he won’t, he must._ “Please Zayn.”

“If I kiss you Liam it won’t magically make everything better, you do know that right?” Zayn mentally pats himself on the back for his self-control.

“I know” Liam answers shortly walking right up to Zayn.

“And we’d have a lot to talk about and figure out.” Zayn’s back to whispering, he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, but his feelings are important, Liam can’t just ask Zayn to kiss him and then walk away again.

“I know, I really do. But I want you to kiss me Zayn, I’ve missed you so much, I need you to do it.”

And he does.

He does,

and he does,

and he does.

He kisses Liam roughly, grabs his face and smashes their lips together, their teeth clank and their noses knock into each other and it’s terrible, terribly wonderful.

Liam pulls away and stares into Zayn's eyes, Zayn feels his insides boil from the intensity.

“She was for publicity.” He whispers.

“What?”

“You never gave me a chance to explain Zayn, I don’t love Sam, and I never did. I'm pretty sure I'm gay Zayn, she’s missing some vital parts.” They both laugh “People were catching on to us, our dinners while the others partied, last year when I came over on Christmas and there were pictures everywhere. I thought I’d help the rumors, stop them so you wouldn’t see all the nasty things people said. I thought I was protecting you. But I pushed you away. I'm so sorry Zayn.” Liam connects their lips again, this time softer, more meaningful, more passionate. “It breaks my heart to think you doubted for a second how much I love you.”  And Zayn was fucked. He was completely, totally, one hundred percent sure he was fucked, because he loved Liam too – if that wasn’t obvious as the fucking moon.

 

–

 

“Is this a date Zayn?” His mom yells through the wooden door separating them.

“It’s a concert mum; I’m going to a concert.”

“Yes but Doni told me you're going with that boy, what’s his name?” Zayn rolls his eyes; she knows exactly who it is.

“Liam, his name is Liam.”

“I like the way you say it Z, hurry up though its half six, he’ll be here soon.” She sings at him teasingly, he should text Liam, let him know to just honk, not to come in or else he’ll be trapped.

He opens the door and scurries out the steam filled room into his familiar blue one, he changes rather quickly, not because he just threw anything on, no, Zayn spent the past month and a half picking out outfits waiting for Liam to be back in Colorado. He’s not here for good, unfortunately, he's here to take Zayn to see The 1975 in concert while they're on their – short– Christmas break, and to figure out exactly what their future holds. _Okay fine it’s sort of a date._

Zayn picks up his phone to text Liam and warn him about the mock professional journalists dying to bombard him with a million and one questions when he hears the doorbell ring. Realistically it would be no one other than Liam but Zayn wills it to be someone else.

“Liam! C’mon in Zayn’s upstairs still getting ready, little perfectionist. Have a seat in the living area, would you like a tea?” his mother’s voice is cheery and delightful, Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Leave him alone I’ll be right down! Liam don’t answer any questions!” he stands in front of the mirror and makes sure he's presentable and pumping himself up for the events about to unfold for a good ten minutes, before rushing down the stairs, into the living room where Liam’s sat surrounded by four girls enveloping him in deep conversation.

“He’ll be upset, you best tell him now and get it out of the way Liam.” his mom says skeptically and he wonders who’ll be upset or why, he's the only man in the house, other than Boris _but he's a dog_. Doniya was giving Liam a hard look, not a glare or a disapproving glance just hard, like she was thinking, that was never good.

“I’m actually here for the weekend. I’m planning on getting a hotel downtown after the concert.”

“No you can stay here.” Zayn cuts in “He can stay here can’t he mum?”

“Zayn I don’t—“

“Oh come on it’s only for the weekend.” Zayn urges, she’s usually so welcoming, they all normally are. It bothers him they're being so cold to Liam.

“Fine. But no funny business boys, I mean it. I know what happens in those minds of yours.” She scolds.

“Mum god you're so embarrassing, we’re leaving.” Zayn huffs annoyed pushing Liam out the door and pulling it closed shouting “Be back around eleven, love you.”  To his mother before he shuts it completely, dragging Liam to his – rental — car.

 

–

 

 

Zayn is on top of the world, Matt’s vocals are even better live, he feels like he's floating every note that’s played and sang. His toes are tingly and his mind is glazed over, Zayn thinks this is what heaven would feel like. They don’t have to worry about getting recognized it’s so dark and if they did there’s so few people it wouldn’t even matter. Zayn and Liam try their best to scream along with Matty trying to recall every lyric, but not really caring if the mess up. The building smells like marijuana and strong liquor – which is probably what was helping with the feel-good-atmosphere.

“I know this amazing burger joint down the street,” Zayn yells over the heavy bass that quite literally envelops them. “Best burger you’ll ever eat, I haven’t been in over 4 years.”

Liam turns to face Zayn and smiles, sort of, before nodding at him. His eyes aren’t warm or welcoming like they usually are and it doesn’t sit right with Zayn. “y’alright Li?” he leans in as much as he can but Liam shuffles away and just nods again. Zayn tries not to overthink it but that’s what Zayn does best.

 

–

 

“Aren’t they amazing?” Zayn asks mouth full of disgustingly greasy beef, the smile he shoots Liam can’t be anything remotely to attractive but Liam’s face softens for the first time since they left Zayn's house. “I don’t normally take boys on dates to old run down burger joints I spent a good half of my childhood in, so consider yourself special.” Zayn smiles and he genuinely feels so happy until he notices Liam’s expression alter, not from happy to elated like Zayn, like genuine to closed off, cold almost.

“Date? This wasn’t a date Zayn.” Liam says roughly, eyes focused on the pickle he picks off his burger, Zayn waits for him to say he’s kidding, he’s being punk’d or something but he just pops the vegetable in his mouth and stares at Zayn hard.

“Wh-what? I thought…After the game? You met my family Liam.” Zayn felt his entire body heat up, not only from embarrassment but anger, this is the second time Liam’s made him feel this way.

“I know, they’re lovely, and after the game I know I said some things, but this isn’t a date, we’re not boyfriends Zayn.” Liam’s stupidly perfect eyebrow quirks up, but it isn’t endearing, it makes Zayn even angrier.

“You said some things? Liam you told me you loved me.” Zayn spits, if this is a joke, it’s a cruel, fucking disgusting joke. Liam shrugs again. “Fuck you, what is this then? What’s wrong with you? Do you enjoy fucking with me? Do you take pleasure in toying with my feelings Liam?” he stands up and pushes past the table in the nearly empty diner, he just wants to leave, wants to get as far from Liam as possible.

“Zayn don’t be like that.” Liam shouts walking swiftly after him.

“No fuck you, you knew how I felt and you used it to your own advantage, you're a fucking prick Liam. How could you do that? Why did you even come here?” Zayn asks, he shouldn’t have he realizes that when his eyes begin to water, he wants Liam to think he's angry not heartbroken.

“I can’t.” And that’s all he says, as if that’s anywhere remotely close to making anything okay.

“You can’t what? Can’t be a decent human being and not fuck with my feelings? God I hate you so much right now.” Zayn says, he has to wipe his eyes in order to see Liam's face. He looks sad, he looks like he regrets it but Zayn's fallen for that trick before.

“I can’t be in love with you; I can’t be your boyfriend because I'm leaving Zayn, its better if you hate me and move on then us trying to make a stupid fucking long distance relationship work because they _don’t_.” Liam’s face contorts into a mixture of anger and sadness, it should make Zayn feel better but it doesn’t.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” he says with a fair amount of disgust, he’s not just going to forgive him because he rummaged up some shit excuse.

“I applied to be traded Zayn, to the avalanches actually, I wanted to surprise you, but Chapman is so obsessed with money he accepted the highest offer on me like I was some type of fucking dog.”

“I don’t understand.” Zayn said honestly, he was so mad and upset and confused.

“800 miles could’ve worked, 800 miles was fine, I could’ve drove up on weekends and breaks and we could’ve made it work Zayn, but I was greedy and wanted to be with you 24/7 so I applied for trade, but the avalanches spent so much on you, or maybe they just didn’t want me, whatever the reason they didn’t offer enough for coach Chapman’s liking.” Liam reached out to touch Zayn's arm but retracted his hand, as if the air around Zayn had burnt him. “The Islanders however, offered me $8.3 million a year Zayn.” And Zayn kind of understood in a way.

“New york?” he whispered more to himself than Liam.

“1000 miles.” Liam said sadly.

“That doesn’t explain what you said in there.” Zayn says motioning to what used to be his favorite place, he hates it now.

“1000 miles won’t work Zayn, long distance relationships don’t work. You need to hate me; you have to hate me so much you’d never consider me an option ever again because you deserve someone amazing. You deserve someone who can give you the world and I can’t do that from New York.” Liam sucks in a shaky breath and smiles at Zayn.

“You couldn’t have just told me this all and then let me decide? Was breaking my heart really the best thing you could come up with?” he questions still angry but the feeling dissolves the longer he looks at Liam's broken expression.

“Yes. I can’t ask you to decide because I know you Zayn, you’d want to try and you’d be great at it, but sooner or later I’d mess it up. I always do with you, tonight is a key example of that Zayn. You’d just be even worse off if we tried it that way.” Liam leans forward and kisses Zayn's temple, Zayn jerks away despite his desire to lean into the touch.

“You shouldn’t get to decide that. It’s my decision.” Zayn says stubbornly.

“Yes I do, because I’m leaving tonight. I messaged my manager at the concert. I though doing this in person would be easy, but it’s the exact opposite Zayn. I do love you, deep down you know I do, but I can’t watch you destroy yourself over a relationship that won’t ever work.” Zayn's crying again, so is Liam. If someone were to walk up and see the two of them they’d think someone was dying there was so much snot and tears and it was disgusting but it was what they needed.

“I hate you so much Liam, you can’t go just like that.” Zayn says between hiccups.

“Come to the airport, we can wait in my car till my jet shows up.” Liam smiles and grabs Zayn's hand leading him to the range rover in the parking lot.

 

–

 

“I planned this out in my head so many different ways.” Liam whispers, his fingers rake through Zayn's hair gently; they're both sat in the back seat of the large vehicle.

“Was this the best outcome?” Zayn laughs weakly and so does Liam.

“No that one had us having sex and you coming to New York with me.” Liam answers honestly and Zayn nearly chokes on his own tongue he sits up so fast.

“You thought I’d just sleep with you then follow you cross country and leave my family?” Zayn asks incredulously.

“Hey I quickly came to the realization that wasn’t a possibility, can’t blame me for trying to be positive about it all.” Liam laughs lightly.

“Well it was pretty farfetched Li, I mean I don’t even have lube or anything I haven’t been home in years, I was still trying to convince myself I was straight when I left.” Zayn joked.

“Well I considered the fact that you are totally not the type to just carry lube around and bought these little packets of it rather than having an entire bottle, I even put some in my bag just in case, I may not be a good judge of the outcome of situations but I am always prepared Zayn.” He laughs and this time Zayn didn’t pick up on the teasing tone Liam was using, it may have been that Zayn hasn’t slept with anyone besides his own hand for almost a year now, or it may be the fact that this could be the last time he sees Liam in a long time, but something empowers Zayn to sit up and straddle Liam’s waist, all hopes of self-preservation thrown out the window when Liam makes a suppressed noise that sounds remarkably similar to a moan.

“Zayn-“ Liam gawks, his body reacting to the scene playing out before him, before his brain does, his hands immediately finding Zayn's waist.

“Shut up Liam,” Zayn whispers ghosting his lips down Liam's jawline. “You’ve made every decision for us so far, let me make one.” He says slowly, Zayn pushes his hips down against Liam's the friction deliciously satisfying but not nearly enough. Who was Liam to say no to that?

“We have to hurry.” Liam pants, normally he’d be embarrassed at how hard he’s become strictly from Zayn grinding his hips down onto his own, but this wasn’t the time or place to be judgmental of each other or themselves, this was their last little piece of each other.

Zayn connects their lips moaning loudly into Liam's mouth when he raises his own hips to match Zayn’s movements.

“Too much clothing.” Liam says into the kiss and Zayn giggles despite his nerves, his hands shake slightly as he scratches his nails on Liam's abdomen, pushing his shirt up, disconnecting their lips to disregard the shirt. Zayn leans in again but Liam doges it, “Yours too.” He breathes, heart racing. Zayn pouts but lifts his shirt over his head effortlessly.

Liam flips them so he is hovering over Zayn's body, and leaves feather light kisses down his neck, biting at his collar bones. “You're gorgeous Z.” he mumbles into the older boys’ skin. Liam flicks his tongue over Zayn's nipple reveling in the moan he receives; he licks a trail down Zayn's abdomen, kissing below his navel, as looks up at Zayn through his lashes. He fiddles with the button of Zayn’s jeans, eventually his fingers cooperate and he gets them off him, his boxers following, Liam licks the underside of Zayn's cock causing the tanner boy to shiver.

“No time for that Li, hurry up and get yours off.” Zayn hisses despite himself, a blowjob from Liam would be perfect but there wasn’t enough time. Liam gives Zayn a sad look before pulling down his own clothing leaving them both naked.

Liam kisses the right where Zayn's hip meets his thigh before sitting up and reaching over the leather seats for his bag. Zayn's hands find Liam's cock, like he doesn’t want Liam to find the lube, because it’s pretty fucking impossible for Liam to do anything when he flicks his wrist up like that.

“Got it.” Liam announces, Zayn stops jerking Liam off and lifts his legs, spreading himself out, Liam can do nothing but stare at this obscene boy in front of him. “Fuck.” He breathes out.

“Liam hurry up or I’ll do it myself.” Zayn whines, Liam brings the packet up to his mouth and rips it open with his teeth, he soaks his fingers in the liquid before he climbs on top on Zayn again, his index finger finds Zayn's hole and he circles around it teasingly. Zayn shudders before pushing back against the digit, and Liam takes that and the okay for him to start and he pushes his finger in slowly.

He nearly gawks at the feeling of Zayn's walls tightening around his finger, he moves it slowly letting Zayn adjust as he builds up a smooth pace, he adds another finger enticing a hiss from the boy below him. Liam desperately searches for Zayn's prostate, he jerks his fingers up a bit and Zayn moans loudly, Liam adds another finger and continues his assault on the bundle of nerves scissoring his fingers each thrust until Zayn's writhing beneath him.

“m’good Li, m’ready.” Zayn gasps out and winces at the loss of contact when Liam removes his fingers, he wipes them on the seat – he’ll have to pay the rental company to get the interior replaced. He opens the second packet and slicks himself up giving his cock a few jerks to relive some of the pressure.

“I love you Z, I really do.” Liam says leaning down to kiss the tanner boy as he pushes himself in, feeling Zayn clench at the intrusion. “Relax babe, you’re good.” Liam coos slowly moving his hips hoping to entice a moan out of Zayn. Zayn scratches his nails down Liam's back letting out soft mumbles of moans, Liam’s sure there’ll be red marks but the feeling makes him shudder, his thrusts quickening. Zayn raises his hips to meet Liam's as he continues to pound into the older boy.

“Li, m’not gonna-“ Zayn tries but his body shudders wickedly, he feels that familiar feeling bubbling up in his lower abdomen.

“Me too, let go Z, I got you.” Liam pants reaching down to relive Zayn's dick of some pressure, Liam thrusts deep into Zayn hitting his prostate mercilessly, Zayn sees white he comes so hard screaming Liam's name into the musky air that’s filled the car. Liam’s thrusts turn quick and selfish as he pounds into Zayn searching for his own release. The feelings so intense Liam collapses onto Zayn, his body still shaking as he comes down off his high.

“I love you too Li.” Zayn whispers pushing Liam's hair off his sweat slicked forehead. It may have been stupid of them to do this when they’ve come to terms that they’re relationship won’t work, but it doesn’t matter now, it doesn’t matter when they put their clothes back on or when Zayn asks Liam to keep one of his sweaters.

It doesn’t matter because as Zayn watches Liam get on his private jet he knows that his contract with the Islanders is for four years, Zayn’s waited longer for things that have meant much less to him and despite what Liam wanted, Zayn’s willing to wait that long for the boy he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE WHO I TORTURED DURING THIS WRITING PROCESS.  
> I'd also like to thank my loves;  
> [Faith](https://twitter.com/ziamplease) thank you for letting me bombard you with snippets and encouraging me to continue when I thought I was stuck.  
> [Keisha](https://twitter.com/ziallscalum) thank you for giving me advice on hockey lingo!!  
> [Tina](https://twitter.com/niallbitchass) thank you for reading my prompt and telling me to do it, you're basically the reason I did.  
> [@lounightmoon](https://twitter.com/lounightmoon) on twitter :)  
> 


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